A Guide for Same-Gender Couples

Thank you for your interest in celebrating your commitment to each other in Grace Cathedral. The commitment to a life-long union is a very special one, and we are happy that you are thinking of making Grace Cathedral the setting for your ceremony. We hope that the following information will help to answer some of the more commonly asked questions.

WHO MAY HAVE SUCH A SERVICE? It is not necessary to be a member of the cathedral congregation, or to be an Episcopalian. Nevertheless, a commitment made in the cathedral is different from a ceremony which takes place at City Hall or another location. We hope that couples who come to the cathedral seeking God's blessing on their relationship will be open to a discussion of the spiritual nature of that relationship and the place of God in their lives.

WHO MAY OFFICIATE? Clergy on the staff of the cathedral normally officiate. Clergy are assigned according to their availability on the date in question, although you may request a particular person. Other Episcopal clergy are welcome at the cathedral, and should request to officiate here by letter to the Dean. Clergy of other denominations, including those of other faith traditions, may assist the Episcopal priest.

COUNSELING: Several sessions of counseling are required of all couples. (This requirement for counseling is exactly the same as that for heterosexual couples contemplating marriage.) Counseling normally takes place during regular office hours, Monday through Friday, from 9 am to 5 pm. Couples who reside far from San Francisco may make arrangements for counseling in their home areas; the counseling clergy will confirm with the officiating cathedral clergy when the counseling has been completed. Please note that because of the time needed to complete this counseling, commitment ceremonies are normally scheduled at least 90 days in advance.

SCHEDULING: Services are scheduled Monday - Saturday. Due to the press of other events, they are not scheduled on Sundays, during Holy Week, or during much of the month of December. Please e-mail or call us if you need more information or to check specific dates and times.

Other than very small ceremonies involving only the couple, we recommend having a rehearsal. This ensures that you are comfortable and that all participants in the ceremony are familiar with the service. Rehearsals are scheduled as the cathedral calendar permits. While we try to accommodate the preferred date and time for a rehearsal, we cannot guarantee that your preference will be met.

THE ORDER OF SERVICE AND TEXTS: The exact content and wording of the service will be determined by you and the officiating clergy in consultation. The New Revised Standard Version of the Bible is the text used for scriptural readings.

MUSIC: Music is subject to the same standards and policies as music for any cathedral service. Only sacred music may be performed; popular music in the form of secular love songs or romantic ballads is not suitable. Hymns may be sung during the service by the congregation. We will provide you with a CD of music suitable for the entering and retiring processions. Exceptions to this are subject to approval by the Music Department.

FLOWERS: Only previously approved florists prepare flower arrangements for any area of the cathedral. We will provide you with a list of approved florists.

PHOTOGRAPHY/VIDEOTAPING: These are permitted within specified guidelines. No flash photographs may be taken during the service by anyone. The verger will determine where video cameras and photographers may be located. An information/permission form will be provided for your photographer and/or videographer containing complete rules and regulations.

COSTS: Please call or email us for a complete list of current fees. The package price includes the counseling, clergy honorarium, organist’s fee, verger’s fee, sound engineer’s fee (nave and quire), space use fees for the church, including rehearsal time and space, dressing areas and time for photography.

A deposit of approximately 25% of the full fee is required to confirm a date on the cathedral calendar. Ceremonies will be rescheduled, if necessary, but the deposit is non-refundable if you cancel. Additional fees apply for the carillon, cathedral choir, additional musicians, or any other special services

For further information, please contact Mary Wood, who may be reached by phone at 415.749.6327, by fax at 415.749.6301, or by email at maryw@gracecathedral.org.